Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

There's no way Republican Trump won all seven swing states. How was he able to cheat and steal the election?

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

Wow! The changeover from President Biden to VP Kamala Harris as candidate could not have been more successful in just 2 days! It was as if they had been planning it. Could they have planned it? Are you excited by the positive Democratic response?

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

The sadness was still there.

Why are Trump's and Khan's experiences with authorities in the US and Pakistan similar?

I had run out of hope.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

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This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

I was tired of fighting.

Be who you already are.

Why am I more attracted to black men?

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

I was tired of trying and failing.

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And the sadness?

You are like me, then.

It’s here now, writing to you.

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You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

I caught my neighbor leaving his 12-year-old son home alone and he has not come back in 6 hours. Should I call CPS?

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

Have you ever been a victim of gaslighting? What happened?

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

It’s still here.